We Can Try To Stop Making Unreasonable Demands (Step Ten continued)

11/26/2021by admin

You all have a job to do – board members, teachers, administrators. Stop making excuses. Stop slow rolling. Stop putting your own interests above the interests of the students of this county. Stop caving to the demands of an unreasonable union.

  1. We Can Try To Stop Making Unreasonable Demands (step Ten Continued) 2017
  2. We Can Try To Stop Making Unreasonable Demands (step Ten Continued) Online
  1. We discuss them with someone immediately step 5 and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone steps 8 & 9. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.' As we can see, step ten comprises the application of steps 4-9 on a daily basis.
  2. We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love.We can show kind-ness where we had shown none.With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand and help them.Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it - to ourselves always, and to them also, when the.

Last year might have been a good year for me, if clients hadn't stiffed me out of of more than $8,000. It wasn't out of any legal battle, disagreement over fees or anything else. They just didn't have the money, or didn't want to pay me after it was done because their project was cancelled (not my fault!), or they wanted something different. People ask me why I don't sue them for it, and I explain it would cost me three times that much to collect, even if I could. I send the accounts to a collections agency and move on.

I've been threatened with lawsuits maybe three or four times in 10 years, but only one has ever filed. That was in small claims court by an out-of-state client's decision to buy and install software I told her she didn't need. I pointed her to a $25 alternative, which she declined. A week later she told me she bought the $600 software anyway, then found she didn't need it, couldn't return it, and blamed me for her poor decision. She sued me in small claims court for the cost of the software and installation. The judge ruled against her claim, even tho I wasn't there. A well-worded letter and explanation to the judge, plus email documentation via certified mail, was all it took.

When the anger of not getting what one wants settles down and reality settles in most mentally healthy adults realize that tying up 1-3 years of our life, energy, resources, time and money is probably not worth the $1,000 to $2,500 we're trying to collect. So, we turn it over to a collection agency, hope for the best, blackball the client, and let our trusted colleagues know about our experience. We suck it up, bite the bullet and move on - at least I do. It's worked for me.

That's why I occasionally get panicked emails or calls from other ghostwriters, designers and illustrators who say, 'OMG, _____ just threatened to sue me!' and I explain my process. I remind them that 9 times out of 10 the threat comes from a client feeling frustrated, angry, impotent and powerless. They may feel unheard, or panicked too. Their solution is to pull out the big guns and unleash on the vendor or provider in hopes of making all those feelings, their problems and their lack of a budget go away. Sometimes their anger is justified, sometimes it's not. If the courts have to decide for you, I can almost always guarantee you that no one will win.

The best thing both parties can do is set aside the egos and anger, respond calmly, reasonably and then work together to seek a genuine solution.... and document and tape record every single keystroke or word as you do. If it does go to court that will protect you more than anything other than a rock hard, iron-clad contract. Having both a contract and documented proof of attempting to resolve the issue will help ensure that you aren't sued because the threatening party's attorney is going to read and review the case first, and then advise their client whether they can win, what they can win, and if it's worth the battle. The better your case outside of court, the less likely it is to go to court. So, how to respond to a client threatening to sue you. I am not an attorney and this is not legal advice, it's just wise advice from my experience.

1. ASK THE PERSON WHY THEY WANT TO SUE. What is it exactly that you've done or failed to do that makes them want to sue you in the first place? This rarely happens in an instant or over one casual conversation, so you shouldn't be clueless about why the person is unhappy. But that doesn't mean you're thinking what they're thinking. In fact, what you think has gone wrong is rarely what they think has gone wrong. Find out exactly what it is they believe they can't get, or aren't getting that has them flipping out. Unless this threat to sue comes directly from their attorney, see it as frustration, anger and an opportunity to get back on track. If they can't explain to you what they're suing you for, chances are they can't or won't try to explain it to an attorney. Threatening someone with a lawsuit is the verbal equivalent of picking up a baseball bat and waving it at you. It's intended to intimidate and scare you. Stand your ground. Suing someone takes time. This is the opening warning shot that's designed to frighten you. Don't let it. Here are five reasons why.

2. LISTEN QUIETLY AND TAPE RECORD EVERYTHING. Listen to what the person is saying, and tape record it as well. Don't tell them this, it's for your use only, not for publication. Check the laws in your state to see whether you are in a one or two party consent state regarding tape recording a conversation. You can also have an 'All calls are recorded' message on your website or voice mail. Virginia is a one-part consent state, meaning only one person has to know their conversation with another is being recorded.

If you're in a two-part consent state it's up to you to decide whether or not to record the conversation. Anyway... You should be recording all these conversations and saving the emails because you are going to be scared, angry and emotional too. Nothing worth having is ever accomplished in the heat of rage or fear. So, listen, bite your tongue, resist the urge to send a flaming, damning, 'screw you' email reply and just listen. When the person pauses to take a breath, stay silent. Let them exhaust every accusation, explanation, and threat they can. If you say anything it should be, 'Is there anything else?' or, 'I'm listening.' Say it in a calm, neutral voice. When they're finished ranting and ripping you a new one, ask them, 'What would it take to rectify this? What is it you want from me in order to fix this?' Press for details. Don't offer what you think they want, ask them what THEY want. Do not promise to do or give this to them, but find out what they think it will take to make them happy.

Then say, 'That's a lot for me to take in on one phone call. I can't process everything you've said and respond with anything resembling an answer. I appreciate your being so honest and frank with me. It helps a lot. However, I need to think about all this. Can we set up a time to talk again in three days?' Or a week...whatever you need. A rational person will agree to talk again. An irrational one will be energized and go off on another rant. At that point you continue to listen (and record) and then you say, 'I can see this is really upsetting you. It's upsetting me too, so I'm going to hang up now. Email me with the dates and times we can schedule a meeting when we're both calmer.' Then hang up. Take deep breaths, get a coffee or something to drink and go for a walk to burn off the adrenaline that is surging through your system and making you shaky, crazy and frantic. Seriously. Exercise burns off the adrenaline...do it.

3. FIND THE NUGGET OF TRUTH. In any conversation, accusation or threat by someone to sue you, there is a nugget of truth to the person's emotional decision to sue. And 99.99999% of the time the decision is emotional, not rational, logical or reasonable. Find the nugget. Once you're calm and feeling strong, listen to the recording, reread the email, look for the nugget of truth in what the person is saying. Don't get defensive and scream at the recording saying, 'This is BS!' Trust me, there is a nugget of truth, something that the client is saying that is legitimate. I know, I hate to admit it too, but there will be something that you could have, should have done differently, but you didn't. Find out what that is and then confront it within yourself. Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but it must be done.

4. FIND A SOLUTION. Once you find the nugget you have to find a solution. Figure out how you would do things differently if given a choice. Write out as many ways as you can that you can change, fix, shore up, duct tape or mitigate the damage now. Decide which things you can live with, which things you can't, what you will do and what you won't. Think about what they have said in regards to what they want to make them happy. What part of that are you willing to do, or not do. At this point you're creating your foundation for negotiation. This is what the judge will look at and consider if it does go to court. He/she will want to see if you made a sincere effort to resolve this outside of court. So remember that as you're considering your response.

Review your contract and emails. I print off every email that has anything at all to do with a project and keep them in a file folder for two years. That way if there is an issue, it's easy to review our correspondence and the progress of the project. I also take extensive notes and...I record my calls so I don't misunderstand, or miss something important. If your clients text, keep records of those too. There is software that will allow you to convert them to word and print them out. Text messages are admissible in court.

We Can Try To Stop Making Unreasonable Demands (step Ten Continued) 2017

5. OFFER YOUR SOLUTION. Make an appointment. After you've reviewed the contract, their demands, your needs and position etc. then call or email the person back and offer your solution. I guarantee you that most of the time they will not be happy with it. Some will take it anyway, having calmed down and revisited reality. Others will just go off on you again. Stay calm and negotiate this. If you've been stiffed, abused or cheated by your client, this is a time to say, 'I've got some issues with this project too.' I once had a client screaming about why I hadn't interviewed so-and-so, and so-and-so experts for his book. I said, 'Because if you'll refer to our contract, you'll see on page 2 that you agreed to three interviews and specifically named who you wanted me to interview. The people you just mentioned were not on your list. If you'll look at our email of DATE, you'll see where you asked me to interview them and I said I could, but then asked you to sign a change order and pay me an additional $500 to interview and write up the case studies. You responded that that was not in your budget and so I didn't pursue the interview.'


We Can Try To Stop Making Unreasonable Demands (step Ten Continued) Online

Offering a solution doesn't mean becoming a doormat and giving them everything they ask for to placate them. Bowing down to all their demands, unless they're justified demands, makes you look weak. Weigh the contract, your work, their demands etc. against the outcome you want, and then present it. It's not all about them though. Make a list of what you want as well. Decide beforehand what you're willing to give up, compromise on and what is your 'deal breaker' - meaning no way you're bending on that. You'll be better prepared to negotiate if you have those things written down, along with the degree of wiggle room you'll allow yourself. YOU must also get something out of this deal.

See how this goes? You have to be organized and thorough. If you are, this conversation will go much better. If not, then consider it a lesson in what not to do next time. At this point most clients will grumble, but realize that if they're to salvage their project, or get what they want, they have to be a big boy, or girl, and work something out. You may both suffer and lose something, but you'll get through it and can move on and be glad you never see or hear from them again. Or, the solution can be so successful this fracas only strengthens your relationship and you actually work better together in the future.

6. LAWYER UP. Sometimes nothing you do helps, and one day you get a lawyer letter from your client. Don't try to handle this on your own. Lawyer up. Join a prepaid legal service ($25 a month), find or hire an attorney to discuss your options and costs. Prepaid services will give you a discount when you do hire an attorney, and their counsel can advise you for free about your options if you're a member. Do this ASAP, preferably the same day you get the letter because when you're dealing with legal stuff, days matter because everything runs on time frames and you won't have much time to get things together if you wait. If they do actually sue you, then hire the best attorney you can afford and hit them with both barrels and sue the absolute shit out of them in every way possible, over every infringement possible. Why? Because if it goes to court it becomes public record and you need to send a message to future jerks that if they tangle with you, it's going to hurt.


  • DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Some clients will want to make it personal. Don't let them. Set boundaries about how they can speak to you, and enforce them. However, a client responds to you, with anger, abuse, hate, is a reflection of who they are, not on what you've provided. If what they're saying stings, it may be hitting a nerve you know is true...so acknowledge that and vow to change. Don't let it get you down. I've had clients be real jerks, and have had to remind myself hourly they're the ones with the issues (and they were), not me.
  • REDIRECT YOUR ANGER INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE. I've dealt with narcissist clients at all levels, from CEO to lone entrepreneur. Many insisted I was an idiot and went into a classic narcissistic rage and called me everything but a human being. Their narcissistic rage spurred me to co-author a book, The Narcissist at Work, with Betsy Wuebker, and to launch a website: http://thenarcissistatwork.com. So, find a way to make something good come from the bad.
  • REVISIT YOUR CONTRACTS. 100% of the threats you'll get come from not having good, detailed and incredibly specific task, payment and date specific contracts and schedules. If it's not written down (or tape recorded) it doesn't exist. Emails count as proof of legal contract, unless you have a clause in your email signature that they don't. After explaining to a client the facts of a case they screamed at me, literally, that I was a moron and they didn't want that in their book. I took it out. Apparently, they attended a conference later, where a national business speaker they respected repeated pretty much everything I'd said on the topic, and that changed their minds. They decided they wanted the information back in the book. I sent them a copy of the conference call, and charged them a fee for rewriting the chapter to include the information. It cost them $500, and I could only do it because I had the recording, which I needed because they conveniently forgot that heated conversation.
  • BECOME AN LLC. I own nothing that would bring anyone more than $10 at a Yard Sale, but still, it is mine and I want to hang onto it. I'm an LLC to protect me and my junk. It makes taxes easier, and it's a $100 solution in case you do get a client with more money than decency.
  • IF THEY SUE ANYWAY, MAKE THEM REGRET IT. I'm serious. I grew up in the inner city of Memphis, fighting gangs every day just to get to school. The one thing I've learned from fighting bullies and gangs and mean people is that there are only two speeds — off or on. In other words, none, and everything you've got. In political parlance, it's called the 'nuclear option.' It means if you decide to fight back, be ready to destroy them even if it means it might destroy you. There is no such thing as a 'moderate fight.' Don't start a fight, but be prepared to finish it however you can. As a child, any bully who messed with me once never messed with me again. It wasn't worth it. I hurt them too much. It may have left me bloody, but they didn't go unscathed. They learned to leave me alone. I have the same philosophy as a ghostwriter. I bust my ass to give people 200% of what they're paying for and if they can't come to an agreement, or they threaten me, then my gloves come off. We go to the floor because I don't care, I have nothing to lose. I'm good, I'm generous, I'm honest and I'll bend over backward to work with someone, but I have a line and when it's crossed, it's over. I'll go to social media, write a book, create a website, whatever it takes to get my side out there and protect myself. It comes down to whether the other person thinks they can survive a nuclear option, legal or social. Business is tough stuff. I prefer to conduct it as a calm, rational person, but there are times that's not possible. You need to decide these things for yourself. You can capitulate to their unreasonable demands, or force them to back off. Think about it now, before it happens. Then get your contracts in order and be prepared.
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